


Moony's Mattresses

by Starstruck4Moony



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Customer Service, Customer Service & Tech Support, Flirting, Fluff, Gay, Get Together, Humor, Instagram, M/M, MWPP, Mattress - Freeform, Meet-Cute, Modern, Modern AU, Online Dating, Online Romance, Padfoot - Freeform, Remus is a cutie with curls but you already knew this, Retail, Sirius is so sex positive it's adorable, Sort Of, Texting, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top Remus Lupin, bed, bed sharing, chat, husky - Freeform, light - Freeform, new year's, text fic, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 09:43:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17261951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starstruck4Moony/pseuds/Starstruck4Moony
Summary: Remus works from home as an online customer service agent for Moony's Mattresses. He's not very excited about the first day of the year until he gets wrapped up in helping a customer with the oddest request: What's the best bed for sex?





	Moony's Mattresses

**Author's Note:**

> So I was researching mattresses today and one review site rated each mattress's qualities for good sex...which led to this idea. 
> 
> Just a quick fic for y'all to start the new year with. LOVE YA!

**Need help finding the perfect bed? Chat now with one of our sleep experts!**

 

…

 

_Agent: Hello, my name is Remus and thank you for considering Moony’s Mattresses. Could you share your first name and let me know how can I help you today?_

 

**Customer: Nice to meet you Remus! I’m Sirius.**

 

_Remus: Nice to meet you as well Sirius. How can I help you today?_

 

**Sirius: Well, I went to your specs and FAQ section but found them totally lacking. Too much mumbo-jumbo and I need some real answers**

 

Remus sighed to himself. It was New Year’s day and he was working, with someone who sounded like they were about to go off on him. What a terrible way to start the year. At least he got to work remotely and didn’t have to brave the icy roads.

 

_Remus: I’m sorry to hear that you were unable to find the information you were looking for there. What kind of additional details would you like about our beds or mattresses?_

 

**Sirius: Oh no worries, I get that you’ve gotta be PC and all that shit, but I need to know which one will hold up best during sex.**

 

Remus blinked at his computer. Well….this was new.

 

**Sirius: You still there? Your company info page had all this nice stuff about equality so I figured you’d be liberal enough I could ask some questions?**

 

_Remus: Yes, here at Moony’s Mattresses we’re a very inclusive company and pride ourselves on openness and diversity._

 

**Sirius: great! so which one is better for me to get fucked on? Like, I love getting fucked through the mattress, but I’d really like a bed that meant I could get hammered without having the thing sag within a few months.**

 

Remus was blushing furiously at the image of this mystery man, getting fucked. Wow, it had been a while for him if just a few lines could get him steamed up.

 

_Remus: Well Sirius, can I ask a couple of questions that will help me determine the best fit for your needs?_

 

**Sirius: Are you flirting with me Agent Remus?**

 

_Remus: That would be frowned upon due to company policy._

 

**Sirius: But it would be frowned upon NOT to flirt with me. I’m quite the looker I promise, though not as cute as you. ; )**

 

Remus’ mouth dropped open a bit. He could honestly say he’d never had someone try and flirt with him through chat. The icon always showed the customer a tiny picture of the agent to make them seem more connected and human, but right now Remus felt like there was a hot spotlight on him. His dog Padfoot licked his hand which brought him back. Shaking his head he returned to the script.

 

_Remus: Um thank you? Anyway, here at Moony’s Mattresses we have customization options so we can build the perfect mattress for you. Can you give me the approximate height and weight of yourself and partner?_

 

**Sirius: Nah, no regular partner. Grindr isn’t great at finding a boyfriend and I honestly don’t even know how to go about finding someone nice? But I’m just over 6 feet and a *muscular* 170. I swear! ; P**

 

**Sirius: Need my zodiac sign and eye color too?**

 

Yes. Remus did very much want to know his eye color, sign, and distance from his house right now thank you.

 

_Remus: Ha, no thank you sir, that’s helpful and looks like you would be too large for one of our softer mattresses, which I would also not recommend for more….vigorous activities._

 

**Sirius: ha!**

 

_Remus: I would also recommend one from our Cradle Series, that has extra reinforcements on the sides of the bed to help prevent sagging if you often use the edge of the bed._

 

**Sirius: Oh that’d be brilliant cuz I love it when I’m on the edge and the guy gets to stand behind me, ya know?**

 

_Remus: It’s about whatever suits you Sirius. : )_

 

**Sirius: ha! Is that not your thing? I bet if you were gay you’d be a top, ruining cheap mattresses everywhere.**

 

_Remus: Well, like you said, it’s hard to meet a nice guy._

 

FUCK SHIT HELL FUCKING BALLS. Did Remus really just come out to this guy? FUCK! He just….he didn’t even know. No one had talked to him like this in awhile, and after spending hours all day in customer serivce the last thing he usually wanted to do was go on another site to talk with even more people online. Fuck. Minerva was a nice boss, but stern. He prayed she wouldn’t read this particular transcript.

 

**Sirius: Remus, I’m heartbroken! Do you not think that I’m nice?!**

 

_Remus: You’re certainly my favorite customer to date Sirius._

 

**Sirius: Too right I am. Now tell me cutie, what bed do you sleep on?**

 

_Remus: I have one of Cradle Luxe beds. It has the reinforced sides (though I was thinking more about my husky Padfoot pulling himself up on the sides of the bed), and is extremely supportive as a hybrid bed (coils and memory foam). Additionally, it has a down feather topper which makes it softer without compromising pressure relief in the bed._

 

**Sirius: I LOVE DOGS!!!! OMG PADFOOT! HE SOUNDS SO CUTE!!! Please tell me you have an Instagram page for him before I die.**

 

_Remus: I’m either going to get fired for this or regret it anyway, but I post photos of him sometimes @paddingfoot_bear_

 

Remus cringed after hitting enter. This wasn’t technically against the rules but he was surely toeing a line that would earn him a meeting at the very least.

 

**Sirius: !!!!anckfnvskdfnvi!!!!! Ok, this is literally the cutest dog I’ve ever seen! LOOK AT THOSE PUPPY DOG EYES!**

 

_Remus: Yes, he’s very manipulative with those, but it’s hard to complain when he cuddles up to me at night._

 

**Sirius: Oh! speaking of nighttime, how does your mattress hold up during sex?**

 

_Remus: Well, in addition to the side support I mentioned, the hybrid technology is VERY durable, and while I may tend to use mine a bit differently than you do, I have yet to see any sagging in the bed. There’s also a cooling anti-microbial layer which prevents it from getting too hot or holding onto any smells. : )_

 

**Sirius: Smells?! OMFG I didn’t even think about that. So, are you going to let me try yours out?**

 

Remus closed his eyes, took a breath, and counted to five. He would not play into this anymore. The flirting was surely going too far for someone whom he’d never met and this guy was probably just trying to get a discount. There’s no way you could like someone from a customer service chat and even if you did they probably lived hundreds of miles away. Cool your loins Lupin.

 

 _Remus: We actually have a great 120 day, risk-free trial period on all of our mattresses. Here’s a_ **_link_ ** _to the mattress I would most recommend, though we’d be happy to alter it to further suit your needs._

 

**Sirius: Actually, your bed sounds perfect Remus. Thanks for the help cutie, and give your dog a treat for me.**

 

Padfoot looked up at Remus as if he had heard Remus THINK the word “treat”, making Remus roll his eyes. Then the chat window closed from the customer’s side and Remus saw he was rated with a smiley face. Remus took a deep breath at the lack of chat review (something that always made them read the transcript).

 

**_PING!_ **

 

Remus started at the sound of his phone. He didn’t usually get too many notifications. OH SWEET JESUS. He had a new follower on Instagram. He opened the app to see @Totally_Sirius has liked every. single. one. of @paddingfoot_bear ’s photos. And had started following him. AND had sent him a direct message….. Before clicking on the message he checked out Sirius’ profile page. “That can’t be right,” he heard himself whisper. Sirius was...well there weren’t words. He was fucking gorgeous sex on tight denim-clad legs that straddled a motorcycle, and fuck if Remus didn’t want those legs around him. He has impossibly cool colored eyes and dark should length hair with a model’s face and a god’s body. Oh, and his last tagged location was less than an hour away. What. the. fuck?

 

Remus tapped the message center.

 

**@Totally_Sirius: Hey Remus, any chance I could meet you and your dog in person?**

 

Maybe 2019 was going to go pretty well after all...

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comment with your funniest customer service expereince! Or some love <3
> 
> Come say hi at [my Tumblr](http://starstruck4moony.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
